Alphecca

Sunday Sex Doll Blogging

Given the popularity of this post I thought I'd return to the well. No, not really but then I came across this press-release from Landover Baptist Church:

When Mrs. Tawny Huxton opened her son Timmy's bedroom door, she was shocked to see his innocent white hiney nestled into the new 7ft Jar Jar Binks doll she had bought him for his birthday. Lately, many Americans have suffered similar incidents. Young children are being seduced by the character of George Lucas' latest Star Wars Movie. Jar Jar's soothing voice, and timid childlike manners, seem to lure young teens into a world of lustful abandon. Unsuspecting parents purchase the popular life-size doll, only to find out later that it is being used by the child as a masturbation toy.

Under the guise of family entertainment, Lucas' "Star Wars" prequel has contaminated America's youth with subliminal sexual innuendo. Pastor Ebeneezer Smith of the Landover Baptist Church commented, "The demonic characteristics of the Jar Jar binks creature become obvious when one pays close attention. His forked tongue, his lapping, his malignant features, are all too noticeable to the Christ centered man." Experts who have examined the life-sized doll that has become the favorite 'toy' of 12-14 year old children, say that the evidence is overwhelming. The doll was created for the sole purpose of masturbation. It has four openings, and three extrusions, making it compatible for male or female pleasure.

But wait, there's more! From the same site, another action alert:

A quiet family dinner at the Gillman home turned into a nightmare from Hell on Sunday evening when little Matthew Gillman, innocently playing between the legs of his new Grinch toy, peeled back the green hairs to reveal a tiny, but instantly recognizable, green penis. Mr. Gillman, a prominent member of Landover Baptist, told authorities that he had just turned his head slightly to see what Matthew was doing when he saw the little green genitals hanging between the legs of the Grinch doll. "My stomach reacted instantly, and I threw up my entire dinner," he said. "Everyone was covered in vomit."

The family called church security, and officers arrived shortly thereafter to remove the disgusting little toy. It was quarantined for two days before a team of Landover Baptist media experts could have a close look at it. "Make no mistake," reported Dr. Jonathan Edwards, "This is not just a tangle of little green hairs. This is male genitalia. It was willfully crafted and appears to be 'part' of the toy itself." Pastor Deacon Fred spoke at a news conference the next day. "We have some sick minds in Hollywood, folks. I think this is a Disney movie and probably a Disney product, so you can bet some homosexual or Democrat in Florida was behind it."

As a result of the incident, the Gillman family was forced to pay a $5,000 fine/tithe to the church since they had in their possession a product from a restricted movie.

IN ACTUALITY , this site is a parody and it is truly hilarious. Check out the photo and caption on this page. I suppose it's sinful to make fun of someone's religion but someone put a lot of brilliant effort into Landover Baptist and I'm glad to send you to it. The Onion would be proud!