Alphecca

We Need Pork Chop Control!

First they came for our handguns. Then they came for our long guns. Then knives, swords, nail-clippers, spear guns and everything else that could possibly inflict injury. Well folks, they missed something:

Police charge woman over pork chop assault

A man is in hospital after being hit in the head with a frozen pork chop in Queensland's south-west.

A woman has been charged with assault.

Police say the 45-year-old man was helping his son move out of a block of units in the south-western Queensland town of Roma when he was attacked with a frozen pork chop.

His son and some friends had been evicted from the unit and were moving out when a dispute erupted over a fridge which belonged to one family and the meat which belonged to another.

Police allege a woman aged in her 30s used a frozen chop to hit the man.
He has been taken to hospital requiring stitches.

A woman has been charged with assault occasioning bodily harm and is due to appear in court on March 8.

Folks, the dangers presented by food are tantamount to a war on human life where recipe books provide easy answers to the question of "how can I hurt someone". Imagine if people started to conceal-carry dangerously sharp ribs and tooth-picks and broccoli spears and when you think of torture, how about rack of lamb? And don't even get me started on "chocolate death"!!! And remember, Agatha Christie gave us all the blueprints for eliminating our enemies through poisons that can be concealed in many of our food-stuffs.

We HAVE to ban food and eating! It is the only way to prevent the terrible carnage inflicted by dangerous food. "Oh the humanity".

Australia (where this happened) and England and San Francisco take note!

Update 2/13: I found this:

The Semi-Automatic Pork Chop

Update 2/14: Now here's the other thing, many want to impose a "one pork chop per month" law on all of us:

"Why do they need so many pork chops?"

You know, folks, I believe in our produce department right to keep and bear pork chops. I keep a pork chop concealed on my hip at all times. Sure, by 3-4 PM the flys give it away but still, "an un-armed man is a hungry man" and all that. And yes, I will flog this post for all it's worth... So fortunately, there are several suppliers of holsters designed for the concealed-carry of pork chops:

Okay, I'm just ribbing you...

Posted by Jeff Soyer at February 12, 2005 10:33 AM