Alphecca

Found this site via Instapundit..

I for one think it's a great idea. Perhaps some other time!

Yeah, I'd have participated... although I'd be at a loss as to how I'd exaggerate Ted Rall...

What?!!! I would have done a brilliant Derreck Z. Jackson of the Boston Globe!!! Perhaps you will reconsider...Brian at Tomfoolery of the Highest Order (www.djslybri.blogspot.com)

Ah!! This is an awesome idea. I'd be telling everyone I know to read it. I wanna be Dowd.

Check out the Beebvision series over on Silent Running.

"...Silent Running has just completed an extrensive alternate-history media coverage of D-Day as if the BBC of 2004 had been transported back in time to 1944...

"The Beebvision coverage of the bungled planning, carnage and failings of the Allied command was effective. National resolution failed. Recriminations abounded, commissions of enquiry were established, Eisenhower, Bradley, and Monty were sacked, Patton never got to command any troops, let alone lead a breakout, and the beachead was permitted to collapse."

This sounds like a fun idea, but it needs one more modification. The reason that World War II, especially the European theater, is looked upon as "the good war" by so much of the left is that we were in an alliance of convenience with the Soviet Union at the time. During the time from August 23, 1939 to June 22, 1941 the left throughout the world was militantly pacifist. Left wing demonstrators in the USA carried signs saying "The Yanks are Not Coming." Left wing demands for strong action against Nazi Germany came only after the Nazi invasion of the Soviet Union. Therefore, to make the mock newspaper plausible you must also assume that the Nazi invasion of the Soviet Union had not yet occured, so that all of those left wing demonstrators in the USA are still marching around with the "The Yanks are Not Coming" signs, and the still left is deploring US entry into a capitalist war.

Victor Davis Hanson did something similar at his site.

How would aforementioned have covered February 1943 with the ending of the battle of Guadalcanal and the massive defeat at Kasserine Pass?

Thought that you'd like to see this post. Can't say when it was written, but I saved it around August '03

http://braden.weblogs.com/military/historicalPerspective

Administration Split On Europe Invasion

Washington, April 3, 1944

(REUTERS) Fissures are starting to appear in the formerly united front within the Roosevelt administration on the upcoming decision of whether, where and how to invade Europe. Some influential voices within both the Democrat and Republican parties are starting to question the wisdom of toppling Adolf Hitler's regime, and potentially de-stabilizing much of the region.

"It's one thing to liberate France and northwestern Europe, and teach the Germans a lesson, but invading a sovereign country and overthrowing its democratically-elected ruler would require a great deal more justification," said one well-connected former State Department official. "The President just hasn't made the case to the American people."

Indeed, some are querulous at the notion of invading France itself.

They argue, correctly, that the German-French Armistice of 1940 is a valid international treaty, and the Vichy government is widely recognized as the legitimate government of France, even by the US. (The British government doesn't recognize it, but much of that is a result of antipathy to the Germans from the Blitz.) Under this reading, German forces are thus legally stationed in France, per the request of its government, and by all observable indications, the Vichy government is supported by the "French street." More Frenchmen serve voluntarily in the Vichy militias than join the "underground" organizations supported by foreign intelligence services like MI5 and OSS.

It was pointed out to this reporter by a prominent former US ambassador to France that, "President Pétain was legally appointed by the last freely elected government of the Third Republic, and therefore is the legitimate democratically-chosen head of state. He has been governing by emergency decree under the appropriate provisions of the Third Republic Constitution. Surely there are grave issues of international law in any aggressive act against France."

In addition, some have proposed that, once the Russians take back Poland, it might make sense for them to stop at the German border. They argue that much, if not most, of Hitler's war-making capacity has been destroyed by the Allied bombing, and after we've taken back the Benelux countries, he'll only be a threat to his own people, and the ethnic minorities within Germany itself.

Others, however, contend that as long as he remains in power, he will be a continual threat to the region, and perhaps even the world, as there are rumors that he's frantically developing weapons of mass destruction greater than any the world has previously seen, and is building rockets with which to deliver them.

"For God's sake, the man is gassing Jews by the millions!" said one exasperated presidential advisor. "Do you think that he's going to be content to simply murder his own people if we let him stay in power?"

Concern is great that, in a total German defeat, or regime change, the results could have unpredictable and far-reaching consequences. Germany consists of a large number of ethnic groups antipathetic to each other, including Germans, Jews, Bohemians, Slavs and Gypsies. In the power vacuum created by the absence of a strong and stable central government, there is concern that it could split up into a number of fractious, balkanized countries, with the potential for renewed war and strife on European soil.

There has been little public discussion of what kind of government would replace the present Nazi reich, and many believe that, in the absence of a plan, it would be foolish to simply go in and topple the dictator.

The Administration has reportedly been talking to German dissidents, but they're hardly united in anything other than a desire to see the end of the Hitler regime. Many who know them well feel that there's little prospect for them forming a post-war consensus German government.

Others say, however, that the German people are well educated, and that if the shackles of the brutal regime that currently oppresses them could be thrown off, there are excellent prospects for one that would be friendly to the US and western values in general. Such a government, in a region in which it is so dominant, could provide a healthy example for the populace in some of the other troubled regimes in the area.

But despite such optimism among some advisors, many, particularly in Congress, are also frustrated by an apparent lack of an exit strategy. There is a great deal of concern, both within and outside the Administration, that should the German government be replaced, US troops might have to be stationed in Europe for five to ten years. Some have even suggested, improbably, that they could end up being there for decades.

One Senator who has been deeply involved in the discussions within the Administration said, off the record, that "we can't risk the chaos that could result from Hitler's removal. He's the only thing holding Germany together."

"Once we get into Alsace, and the Russians cross the Vistula, what we need to do is to establish a truce with him, and set up an arms inspection regime, so that he will never again be able to threaten his neighbors."

"We'll let the new planned United Nations organization handle it."

France Protests Planned U.S.-Led Aggression
June 1, 1944
(Reuters) In a speech made before a cheering throng in downtown Paris President Pétain announced today that France would never tolerate the presence of a single British or American soldier occupying its land.

I would have had Michael Moore insist that the German troops defending France against American imperialist aggression are not "Nazis" but minutemen whose number are growing and who will win.

Are we talking before or after Hitler invaded Russia? You have to remember that the political left wanted us to stay out of Europe's war, and fought Roosevelt's veiled neutrality and active support of England, until Adolf headed east. After he attacked Russia, we couldn't get over there fast enough.

A possible slogan -- "All the news that fits, we print."

I got dibs on the Tom Friedman parody!

I don't have the time to put these in a style, but here are my nominations:

1. The Guadalcanal/Solomon Islands camaign, 1942. U.S. Marines land on Guadalcanal in August to stop the Japanese from constructing an airfield that threatens communications with Australia (a racist, white dominated colonial venture of a capitalist European power that serves as a base for imposition of alien ways on defenseless asians, indigenous Australians, and Pacific Islanders). Before all troops and supplies can be landed, the Japanese navy defeats the U.S. Navy, requiring withdrawal of the transports and supply ships-the Marines are stranded. In a continuing series of naval battles, the Japanese demonstrate their superiority in night combat doctrine, training and equipment, inflicting heavy losses on U.S. ships. The U.S. is unable to prevent the landing of Japanese reinforcements on the island. Those troops then repeatedly attack the Marines, attacks that show a fanatical, indeed suicidal, committment to the Japanese cause, raising questions of whether Americans understand such a foreign culture and can stand up to that level of dedication. The story must be written ignoring what we know now, that by February, 1943, the last of the Japanese troops evacuated the island in defeat, and Japan eventually surrendered unconditionally in 1945.

2. The Battle of the Bulge, December 1944. The allies land in France in June, break out of the beachhead, and rout the Germans from France. The end seems near, maybe home for Christmas. Then supply problems check the advance. The Germans reorganize. Defeat at Arnhem, Market Garden is a disaster. Further defeats in the Huertgen Forest. The armies stop, and can't move. What happened to the promise of victory? Then the topper-German attack in the Ardennes. Where did the "defeated" Germans come up with the forces for this attack. Intelligence failure! The battle produces the largest mass surrender of U.S. forces since the fall of the Phillipines. Observers in the right places can watch the U.S. Army perform a pretty good imitation of a defeated, demoralized mob. Elite airborne forces have to be committed as ordinary infantry to hopeless situations, and end up surrounded. Not only that, but because those airborne forces have not fully recovered from the autumn operations, they arrive short of men, equipment, weapons, and ammunition. British forces move to backstop the U.S. troops, and Montgomery is given command of U.S. troops on the northern side of the Bulge (be sure to insert observations on needing European help to bail out U.S.). Ignore the survival of the airborne ("Nuts"), that the lines held, that the attacking German force was destroyed by the following January, and that five months later, in May, Eisenhower would be issuing a press release from his headquarters in Reims.

We would have never invaded. The training disaster at Slapton Sands would have been trumpted in the press and the coverage would have been slanted to convince the American and British people that we couldn't possibly invade successfully.

http://www.history.navy.mil/faqs/faq20-2.htm

Noted iconoclast Michael Moore today stated that the Anglo Alliance would be defeated by the truly multinational force of the Reich.
"America and Britain, and of course her servant states of Australia and Canada, represent a very small fraction of the world's people. The Axis is multicultural and multi-racial; the pasty faces of the the so-called "Allies" only represent whites trying to re-establish dominance."
He went on to say that "with countries of long history and culture, like France and Italy, on one side and countries of lowest common denominator tastes like the United Kingdom and United States, one can only expect that those of less culture and breeding would resent their betters."
"And why exactly is America siding with a monarchy? Should we not side with fellow republics, like France, Germany and Russia?"
Moore then went on to eat a half a cow, 12 loaves of bread, all teh while deploring the "fat cats" and their "rationing"

Don't forget the new Farenheit 12/7 movie that exposes the connection between Roosevelt and the Japanese.
Roosevelt new!

You should go back and look at James Woolsey's article on how today's press would have covered the Normandy invasion. I think it appeared in the Washington Post in 1994. As I recall, the headline he suggested began "Love nest general . . ."
Michael Barone

http://www.ibiblio.org/ses/nbfc.jpg

The Zionist-Imperialists are holding show trials of the National Socialist leaders alleging something they call a "Holocaust" or "genocide".

The National Socialists allegedly murdered some 6,000,000 Jews, er, Zionists. How could they have murdered six million when there were not nearly that many in Germany when the People's Democratic Leader was elected?

Pictures of emaciated inmates at Dachau and Buchenwald, and piles of emaciated corpses at Auschwitz, are being used to inflame jingoistic hysteria among the benighted. The truth is, it was the Imperalists, who, by bombing and blockading Germany, caused the food shortages that resulted in the starvation of the inmates. It's our fault! If we had just left well enough alone, the National Socialist government would have been able to feed their prisoners.

We know that they were very humane because the program of the National Socialist German Workers' Party provides for free housing, health care, education, and all the other entitlements of an enlightened social democracy. Who are we to criticize them when we have problems of our own?

The National Socialists are even accused of "gassing" their Zionist prisoners in huge "gas chambers" disguised as shower rooms. And, supposedly, they burned all the bodies in huge crematoria. This is all un-scientific nonsense, as independent experts such as Robert Faurisson, Arthur Butz, and Fred Leuchter from the Institute for Historical Review have proved.

The Zionist-Imperialists have even forged a diary supposedly written by a Zionist girl named Anne Frank who died of typhus in Dachau (see! she was not gassed! therefore no gassings occured!). She is known to have had very loose morals, lustful fantasies, and even bisexual, as IHR experts Dietlieb Felderer and Ernst Zundel have pointed out -- in other words, a slut, and therefore not to be believed.

The motive of this whole "Holocaust" myth, fantasy, hoax, is nothing other than Zionist-Imperialist capitalist greed, to extort "reparations" to Jews from the German puppet-government, and to gain sympathy for the imperialist, warmongering, racist state of Israel, as well as to eclipse the atrocities of the Imperialist "Allies".

How dare we Americans and British think we are better than the National Socialist Germans? Even if they did gas millions of Jewish, oops, Zionist, men, women, and children, do not we Americans gas or electrocute convicted murderers here in our own country? The two are morally equivalent! The hanging of National Socialist leaders at Nuremburg was obviously just as evil as the alleged mass shootings of Jews, er, Zionists, at Babi Yar. They allegedly performed hideous "medical experiments" on their prisoners, but do we not also perform surgery on patients in our hospitals? The two are morally the same!

And -- horror of horrors! -- do we not allow private citizens to own firearms? Gun owners, being known by all enlightened people to be illiterate bloodthirsty maniacs with a phallic complex, must, therefore, have killed many times more children than did the well-regulated National Socialist government, which had gun control.

And, even if the National Socialists did all the things they are accused of, and even though we may deplore these things, we must look at the root causes of this "Holocaust": the Versaille treaty imposed on Germany by the Imperialists after World War I, the inflation, the Great Depression and unemployment, the disproportionate numbers and privileged position of Jews in the arts, sciences, and professions. (We absolutely must have racial quotas, affirmative action, to eliminate this elitism!) All "crimes", all "evils", can be traced to poverty, inequality, and lack of education among the masses. To understand all is to forgive all. Sophisticated minds know that there really is no such thing as "evil" (except in our own country or culture). Everything is relative. Who are we to judge?

Next time we see a Dachau, an Auschwitz, a Treblinka, instead of blaming the alleged "criminals", we must instead ask ourselves: Why do they hate us? And then get down on our bellies and beg their forgiveness.

Ike Puts Thousands At Risk

Normandy, June 6, 1944

(AP) In an amazingly incompetent display of cowboy unilateralism, General Dwight David Eisenhower ordered the combined forces of the United States, Great Britain and Canada to attack German defenses on the beaches of Normandy.

The Germans, who posed no imminent threat to the allies, are said to be defending themselves fiercely against the allied insurgents.

An unnamed meteorologist said on condition of anonymity that the Supreme Allied Commander was "bloody daft to send the lads out in weather like this." Another high placed source reports that Ike actually prayed before ordering the invasion. The ACLU is investigating this egregious violation of the separation of church and state.

Meanwhile M1 radio intercepts of the German Commander, Erwin Rommel, to the Furher were quite revealing: "Look you paper hanging SOB, I told you the target was Normandy, now release the Panzers." Retired General I. M. Halfbaked, cites the transmission as starling evidence that the invasion is rapidly becominig a quagmire.

Heck, who needs a web site, just put your contributions here. This is great! (I will eventually gather them up and try to put them into a page...)

I could see the following:

FDR knew!

Churchill knew!

It is all because of an illegal oil embargo on Japan starving poor Japanese children!

Culurally, Germans and Japanese cannot be democratic (oh, we had those).

We were attacked by Japan. Why are US troops invading French North Africa?

What really happened at Kasserine?

1,000 dead to capture a small Aluetian Island!

I would like to propose the following name for the paper:

"The San Fransisco Standard"

I think that pretty much sums it up.

Whoops...

"The San Francisco Standard"

I don't read those people, Krugman, Dowd, et al, so I don't know enough about their style to write anything. But I think someone who does should be sure to add a paragraph about the unmitigated gall of these Americans in sullying the environment of Europe with all that blood and flesh, etc. (I would have put in something about McDonald's, or at best, fast food, but it wasn't invented yet)

The Hanson piece I mentioned was actually set one month after D-day: http://victorhanson.com/Articles/Private%20Papers/Normandy.html

It has a good example of the style you want.

Michael Moore tackles the REAL story of Pearl harbor, and Roger Ebert reviews.
"Critics and cultured viewers are raving about Michael Moore's new documentary, '12/7: A Little Nip In The Air.' Sophisticated filmgoers will no doubt fondly recall Moore's earlier work (I gave it four stars), 'Herbert Hoover Is the Anti-Christ,' a raucous yet witty documentary which convincingly makes the case that the 31st President intentionally caused the Great Depression in order to keep a large pool of more or less willing potential human sacrifices for the use of his fellow Bohemian Club members.
In his latest triumph, Moore ascends to new heights of artistic excellence, as well as demonstrating a discerning political eye. He carefully draws for us a picture of the twisted web connecting Vice President John Nance Garner, the Bilderburgers and the Freemasons, and exposes their scheme to kidnap Japanese infants to serve as entrees in ritual dinners. Moore also cleverly uses clips from the familiar Movietone news films and Lowell Thomas commetaries to make his point. Moore makes use of our treacherous leaders' own words to show that almost every high-level member of FDR's cabinet was in on the deal. Now, hidebound literalists may quibble with some of Moore's use of artistic license. For example, some stiff-neck might argue that FDR really DID say, 'December 7th...a date that will live in infamy,' instead of, 'Let's get some Jap kids to eat,' as Moore's film clip shows. But you must admit that Moore's clips are persuasive, and sound true. Besides, if Moore has taught us anything, he has taught us that, sometimes, what should be the truth is more important that what is the truth. A wise fellow, and an artist coming into his own. We can't wait for his rumored next opus, 'The Jews WANTED To Be Gassed.'"
(Some notable quotes from Moore, as well as his admirers.) "We DESERVED to be attacked at Pearl Harbor. Japan had no choice but to put half of Asia to the sword." "I have to admit, I wanted to cheer when I heard that the 'Arizona' capsized and sank; I just hope no kitty cats got hurt." Michael Moore, filmmaker and prophet
"My God, I had no idea film could be put to such use. Until Michael came along, I thought it was enough to show torchlight parades. I had no concept of splicing film. He's a genius." Leni Riefenstahl, auteur and documentary filmmaker.
"Michael does a crackerjack job showing us Roosevelt's war. We should tend to our own knitting, and let Asia and Europe handle their own squabbles. Thank God Michael is there to get the word out." Charles Lindbergh, aviator and Chairman, "America First" Committee.
"This kid is a grounbreaker. I want to learn from him. Maybe I can get him to come to Berchtesgaden, meet the gang, exchange ideas." Joey Goebbels, public relations specialist.

SHOCK AND AWE

May, 1944 (AP)

Allied Coalition forces are planning a massive offensive to take place next month, the AP has learned.

Sources report that General Dwight D. Eisenhower is planning to storm the beaches at Normandy with as many as 150,000 coalition soldiers. A significant portion of that number, 23,000, is expected to be air dropped behind enemy lines using war-gliders and war-parachutes.

The a assault is expected to be "...the largest, coordinated effort by the allies yet" according to officials who wished to remain anonymous. It is projected to "deal a massive blow to the axis powers."

Those officials refused to give the date, citing "security concerns." Unsubstantiated reports, however, put the date as soon as June fifth, barring weather concerns. The AP has not been able to confirm that date.

The AP has learned that a previous plan, namely Operation Fortitude which was to involve the deployment of US forces across the English Channel from Calais, was actually a lie to confuse axis troops, thus "continuing the Roosevelt legacy of misdirection" an unnamed German POW said.